I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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