It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
