i don't like sucking hair
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
