im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize