dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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