Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
