I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
