Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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