You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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