Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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