Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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