haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
