dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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