dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
