I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
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i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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