I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
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My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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