Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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