I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
