She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
