It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
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If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I licked your asshole in confidence.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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