Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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