Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
