you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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