Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
