I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
