At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
