Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
