A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
