super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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