fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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