I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
they're like a gay fantastic four
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
