Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All the doctor said was why
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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