I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
