So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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