Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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