I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
