I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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