where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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