I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
