I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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