So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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