Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
