she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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