the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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