I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
