Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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