Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
