Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
