i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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