Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
