I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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