haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
