I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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