I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
