I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
