my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
