Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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