So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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