you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
