i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
