I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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