he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
