You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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