yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
