I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
