I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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