I met the friendliest cop last night
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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