I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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