youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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