i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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