ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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