he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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