but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
